1 00:01:25,611 --> 00:01:27,772 Where's my suitcase? 2 00:01:32,151 --> 00:01:33,550 Miss. Young lady! 3 00:01:33,752 --> 00:01:35,617 Excuse me. Girls! 4 00:01:36,355 --> 00:01:38,653 Hey, little fella. Hey! 5 00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:41,223 Excuse me, girls. Girls! 6 00:01:42,094 --> 00:01:42,992 Hey, big fella! 7 00:01:43,195 --> 00:01:45,459 Help me make the beds in the living room. 8 00:01:45,664 --> 00:01:46,824 Come on down here! 9 00:01:47,032 --> 00:01:48,966 Hey, son! 10 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:53,235 Big fella. Hey, little guy! Little guy! 11 00:01:54,673 --> 00:01:57,369 Pete's brother and his family are here. 12 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,168 Trish is going to Montreal. 13 00:01:59,378 --> 00:02:02,006 Montreal? Oh, her family's there. 14 00:02:02,214 --> 00:02:03,681 - Then we're off. - When? 15 00:02:03,882 --> 00:02:05,975 - Tomorrow. - You're not ready, are you? 16 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,277 Uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie... 17 00:02:09,488 --> 00:02:10,819 ...but the big kids can. 18 00:02:11,023 --> 00:02:12,285 Why can't I? 19 00:02:12,524 --> 00:02:13,684 I'm on the phone. 20 00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:16,788 When do you come back? Not till then? 21 00:02:16,995 --> 00:02:19,759 It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk. 22 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:23,491 Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no... 23 00:02:23,702 --> 00:02:25,363 ...then it must be really bad. 24 00:02:25,571 --> 00:02:28,699 No, we put the dog in the kennel... Hey, get off! 25 00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:30,135 Kevin, out of the room. 26 00:02:30,342 --> 00:02:32,640 Hang up the phone and make me, why don't you? 27 00:02:33,078 --> 00:02:33,942 This kid. 28 00:02:34,146 --> 00:02:36,580 Did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing? 29 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,306 No, I didn't have time. 30 00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:41,315 - Then how do I shave in France? - Grow a goatee. 31 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:43,647 Dad, nobody'll let me do anything. 32 00:02:43,856 --> 00:02:48,156 I've got something, pick up those MicroMachines that are all over. 33 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,351 Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck. 34 00:02:50,562 --> 00:02:52,860 He was playing with the glue gun again. 35 00:02:53,198 --> 00:02:54,358 We talked about that. 36 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:57,634 Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. 37 00:02:57,836 --> 00:02:59,736 I made ornaments out of fish hooks. 38 00:03:00,606 --> 00:03:03,837 - My new fish hooks? - I can't make them out of old ones... 39 00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:06,476 ...with dry worm guts stuck on them. 40 00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:10,404 - Peter. - Come on, Kevin. Out. 41 00:03:10,749 --> 00:03:12,842 Do you guys have a voltage adaptor? 42 00:03:13,051 --> 00:03:14,518 Here's a voltage adapter! 43 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,349 God, you're getting heavy! Go pack your suitcase. 44 00:03:19,691 --> 00:03:22,592 Pack my suitcase? 45 00:03:23,061 --> 00:03:25,325 - Where's the shampoo? - I don't live here. 46 00:03:25,531 --> 00:03:27,761 This many people here and no shampoo. 47 00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:29,991 - Are your folks home? - They don't live here. 48 00:03:30,202 --> 00:03:32,830 - Tracy, did you order the pizza? - Buzz did. 49 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,029 Excuse me. Are your parents here? 50 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,832 My parents live in Paris. 51 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,066 - Hi! - Hi! 52 00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:39,710 - Are your parents home? - Yeah. 53 00:03:39,912 --> 00:03:41,846 - Do they live here? - No. 54 00:03:42,881 --> 00:03:45,509 Why should they? All kids, no parents. 55 00:03:45,717 --> 00:03:47,116 Probably a fancy orphanage. 56 00:03:47,586 --> 00:03:51,249 I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done it once. 57 00:03:51,456 --> 00:03:53,583 - Tough. - That's what Megan said. 58 00:03:53,792 --> 00:03:55,054 What did I say? 59 00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:56,284 You told him "Tough." 60 00:03:56,495 --> 00:03:59,931 The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? 61 00:04:00,132 --> 00:04:01,861 "Congratulations, you're an idiot"? 62 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,500 - I'm not an idiot! - Really? 63 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:06,728 You're helpless! We have to do everything for you. 64 00:04:06,939 --> 00:04:10,204 - She's right, Kev. - Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small. 65 00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:11,967 I don't know how to pack. 66 00:04:12,177 --> 00:04:15,613 - I hope you didn't just pack crap. - Shut up, Linnie. 67 00:04:15,814 --> 00:04:17,247 You know what I should pack? 68 00:04:17,449 --> 00:04:20,748 Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water. 69 00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,782 What are you so worried about? 70 00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:26,753 You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff, anyway. 71 00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:29,985 You're what the French call les incompetents. 72 00:04:30,195 --> 00:04:31,219 What? 73 00:04:32,531 --> 00:04:34,089 Bombs away! 74 00:04:38,303 --> 00:04:42,034 P.S. You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. 75 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,971 If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed. 76 00:04:46,178 --> 00:04:48,976 This house is so full of people it makes me sick! 77 00:04:49,181 --> 00:04:51,911 When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone! 78 00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:53,141 Did you hear me? 79 00:04:53,352 --> 00:04:54,910 I'm living alone! 80 00:04:55,621 --> 00:04:57,748 I'm living alone! 81 00:05:00,559 --> 00:05:02,493 Who's gonna feed your spider? 82 00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:06,961 He just ate a load of mice guts. He'll be good for a couple weeks. 83 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,634 Is it true French babes don't shave their pits? 84 00:05:12,404 --> 00:05:13,336 Some don't. 85 00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:16,431 But they got nude beaches. 86 00:05:16,708 --> 00:05:17,766 Not in the winter. 87 00:05:25,851 --> 00:05:27,978 Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad? 88 00:05:28,387 --> 00:05:31,618 Can I sleep here? I don't want to sleep with Fuller. 89 00:05:31,823 --> 00:05:33,654 If he drinks, he'll wet the bed. 90 00:05:34,192 --> 00:05:38,390 I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass. 91 00:05:41,733 --> 00:05:43,860 Check it out. Old man Marley. 92 00:05:47,873 --> 00:05:48,862 Who's he? 93 00:05:49,775 --> 00:05:53,438 You ever heard of the South Bend Shovel Slayer? 94 00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:55,204 That's him. 95 00:05:55,414 --> 00:06:00,215 In '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block... 96 00:06:01,353 --> 00:06:03,344 ...with a snow shovel. 97 00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:06,881 Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since. 98 00:06:07,092 --> 00:06:10,721 If he's the shovel slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him? 99 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,692 Not enough evidence to convict. 100 00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:15,457 They never found the bodies. 101 00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,692 Everyone around here knows he did it. 102 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,237 It'll just be a matter of time... 103 00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:22,430 ...before he does it again. 104 00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:23,606 What's he doing? 105 00:06:24,476 --> 00:06:27,468 He walks up and down the streets every night... 106 00:06:27,679 --> 00:06:29,977 ...salting the sidewalks. 107 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,116 Maybe he's just trying to be nice. 108 00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:35,514 No way. 109 00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:38,622 See that garbage can full of salt? 110 00:06:39,391 --> 00:06:42,121 That's where he keeps his victims. 111 00:06:42,327 --> 00:06:47,094 The salt turns the bodies into mummies. 112 00:06:49,601 --> 00:06:51,091 Mummies! 113 00:06:55,674 --> 00:06:56,766 Look out! 114 00:07:29,708 --> 00:07:30,936 How you kids doing? 115 00:07:31,143 --> 00:07:32,269 Good? 116 00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:34,905 Lot of action around here today, huh? 117 00:07:35,147 --> 00:07:36,774 Going on vacation? 118 00:07:37,015 --> 00:07:38,505 Where you going? 119 00:07:38,717 --> 00:07:40,241 You hear me, or what? 120 00:07:40,952 --> 00:07:42,249 Going on a trip? 121 00:07:42,788 --> 00:07:44,415 Where you going, kid? 122 00:07:53,799 --> 00:07:56,700 Okay, that's $122.50. 123 00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:59,229 Not from me, kid. I don't live here. 124 00:07:59,471 --> 00:08:01,405 You just around for the holidays? 125 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,868 You could say that. 126 00:08:03,074 --> 00:08:04,666 - Pizza's here! - There you go. 127 00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:06,844 That's $122.50. 128 00:08:07,045 --> 00:08:09,104 It's my brother's house. He'll get it. 129 00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:12,376 Hey, listen... 130 00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,651 - Are you Mr. McCallister? - Yeah. 131 00:08:16,855 --> 00:08:18,755 The Mr. McCallister who lives here? 132 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,448 Good, because somebody owes me $122.50. 133 00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:22,649 I'd like a word with you. 134 00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:25,125 Am I under arrest or something? 135 00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:29,200 There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. 136 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:33,497 We're checking the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken. 137 00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:37,742 We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors. 138 00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:39,968 That's about as well as anybody can do. 139 00:08:40,178 --> 00:08:42,237 - Did you get some eggnog? - Come on. 140 00:08:42,447 --> 00:08:43,914 - Let's eat. - Come on. 141 00:08:44,115 --> 00:08:45,047 - Eggnog? - Pizza! 142 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:48,583 - Are you gonna be leaving...? - Pizza! 143 00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,588 Grab a napkin and pour your own drinks. 144 00:08:51,790 --> 00:08:56,420 - Does Santa go through customs? - What time do we have to go to bed? 145 00:08:56,628 --> 00:08:59,529 Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m. On the button. 146 00:08:59,731 --> 00:09:03,497 I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it. 147 00:09:03,702 --> 00:09:08,264 - Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip. - For pizza? 148 00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:10,201 Ten pizzas times 12 bucks. 149 00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:12,876 - You've got money. - Traveler's checks. 150 00:09:13,078 --> 00:09:15,171 Forget it, Frank. We have cash. 151 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,577 You probably got the checks that don't work in France. 152 00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,680 Did anyone order me a plain cheese? 153 00:09:21,987 --> 00:09:23,887 Yeah. But if you want any... 154 00:09:24,089 --> 00:09:27,547 ...somebody's gonna have to barf it up because it's gone. 155 00:09:28,093 --> 00:09:31,585 Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi. 156 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,432 Kev! Kev, get a plate. 157 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:53,214 - Passports! - Watch it! 158 00:09:56,621 --> 00:09:59,089 No, no. Get these passports out of here. 159 00:10:03,595 --> 00:10:05,495 Are you okay, honey? Come here. 160 00:10:05,697 --> 00:10:06,595 Are you all right? 161 00:10:06,798 --> 00:10:08,459 What is the matter with you? 162 00:10:08,833 --> 00:10:11,461 He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose. 163 00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,704 He knows I hate sausage and olives... 164 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,396 Look what you did, you little jerk! 165 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:31,283 Get upstairs now. 166 00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:32,512 Why? 167 00:10:32,724 --> 00:10:34,351 You're such a disease. 168 00:10:34,626 --> 00:10:36,958 - Shut up! - Kevin, upstairs! 169 00:10:37,162 --> 00:10:39,323 - Say good night, Kevin. - "Good night, Kevin." 170 00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:44,200 Why do I get treated like scum? 171 00:10:44,402 --> 00:10:46,962 I'm sorry. This house is just crazy. 172 00:10:47,172 --> 00:10:50,266 We've got all these extra kids running around. 173 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,705 My brother's in from Ohio. It's nuts. 174 00:10:52,911 --> 00:10:55,436 How come you didn't bring more cheese pizzas? 175 00:10:56,414 --> 00:10:57,540 Nice tip. Thanks. 176 00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:00,315 Having a reunion? 177 00:11:00,518 --> 00:11:04,614 My husband's brother transferred to Paris. His kids are still here. 178 00:11:04,823 --> 00:11:07,519 He missed the family, so he invited us to Paris... 179 00:11:07,726 --> 00:11:08,818 ...so we'll be together. 180 00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:10,493 You're taking a trip to Paris? 181 00:11:10,695 --> 00:11:12,686 Yes, we leave tomorrow morning. 182 00:11:13,698 --> 00:11:15,063 Excellent. Excellent. 183 00:11:15,266 --> 00:11:18,326 If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. 184 00:11:18,536 --> 00:11:21,232 Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband. 185 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:26,236 And don't worry about your home. It's in good hands. 186 00:11:29,347 --> 00:11:32,339 There are 15 people, and only you have to make trouble. 187 00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:33,915 I'm getting dumped on. 188 00:11:34,119 --> 00:11:36,917 You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs. 189 00:11:37,122 --> 00:11:39,454 I am upstairs, dummy! 190 00:11:40,191 --> 00:11:41,852 The third floor? 191 00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:44,221 - Go. - It's scary up there. 192 00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:46,260 Fuller'll be up in a little while. 193 00:11:46,464 --> 00:11:49,558 I don't want to sleep with Fuller. He wets the bed. 194 00:11:49,768 --> 00:11:51,998 He'll pee all over me. I know it. 195 00:11:52,203 --> 00:11:54,000 We'll put him somewhere else. 196 00:11:55,306 --> 00:11:56,603 I'm sorry. 197 00:11:56,941 --> 00:11:59,239 It's too late. Get upstairs. 198 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,338 Everyone in this family hates me! 199 00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:06,676 Then ask Santa for a new family. 200 00:12:06,885 --> 00:12:10,412 I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck! 201 00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:13,716 Stay up there. I don't want to see you again tonight. 202 00:12:13,925 --> 00:12:16,450 I don't want to see you for the rest of my life. 203 00:12:16,661 --> 00:12:19,129 I don't want to see anybody else either. 204 00:12:19,330 --> 00:12:21,423 I hope you don't mean that. 205 00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:25,399 You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up and didn't have a family. 206 00:12:26,171 --> 00:12:27,604 No, I wouldn't. 207 00:12:27,806 --> 00:12:30,434 Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen. 208 00:12:30,642 --> 00:12:33,770 I hope I never see any of you jerks again! 209 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:57,694 I wish they would all just disappear. 210 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,860 - Where are they? - I don't know. She said 8 sharp. 211 00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:07,670 Peter! 212 00:14:09,774 --> 00:14:11,571 We slept in! 213 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,428 Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy. I live across the street. 214 00:14:31,629 --> 00:14:33,460 You guys going out of town? 215 00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,030 We're going to Florida. 216 00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:38,828 Well, first we're going to Missouri to pick up my grandma. 217 00:14:39,037 --> 00:14:41,562 You know the McCallisters are going to France? 218 00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:43,172 Do you know if it's cold? 219 00:14:43,374 --> 00:14:47,970 - Do these vans get good mileage? - Kid, I don't know. Hit the road! 220 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:53,881 Do a head count. Get everyone in the vans. 221 00:14:54,085 --> 00:14:55,313 Where are the passports? 222 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,420 I put them in the microwave to dry. 223 00:14:57,622 --> 00:15:01,388 How fast does this go? Does it have automatic transmission? 224 00:15:01,593 --> 00:15:03,390 Does it have 4-wheel drive? 225 00:15:03,595 --> 00:15:07,463 Look, I told you before, kid. Don't bother me. Now, beat it! 226 00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:21,138 Line up in front of the van. 227 00:15:22,947 --> 00:15:25,040 - Line up and shut up! - Wow! 228 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:26,581 Shut up! 229 00:15:26,784 --> 00:15:27,978 I need a head count. 230 00:15:28,686 --> 00:15:29,880 One, two, three... 231 00:15:30,088 --> 00:15:32,215 Eleven, 92, 12... 232 00:15:32,824 --> 00:15:34,724 Buzz, don't be a moron. 233 00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:37,860 Six, seven, eight... 234 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,656 ...nine, 10, 11. 235 00:15:40,965 --> 00:15:44,696 Okay, half in this van, half in this one. Let's go. 236 00:15:45,837 --> 00:15:48,806 Have a good trip. Bring me back something French. 237 00:15:51,409 --> 00:15:55,209 There's no way we'll make this plane. It leaves in 45 minutes. 238 00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:56,778 Think positive! 239 00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:58,778 You be positive. I'll be realistic. 240 00:16:00,218 --> 00:16:02,482 Excuse me, your power is fixed... 241 00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:06,248 ...but the phones are a mess. It'll take a couple of days to fix... 242 00:16:06,457 --> 00:16:08,982 ...especially around the holidays. - Thanks. 243 00:16:09,227 --> 00:16:10,592 Did you count heads? 244 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,524 Eleven, including me. 245 00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:15,756 Five boys, six girls, two drivers... 246 00:16:15,967 --> 00:16:17,366 ...and a partridge in a pear tree. 247 00:16:53,171 --> 00:16:54,536 Hold the plane! 248 00:16:54,939 --> 00:16:56,668 - Did we miss it? - You just made it. 249 00:16:58,543 --> 00:17:02,536 Single seats only in coach. Take whatever's free. 250 00:17:02,747 --> 00:17:04,374 I get a window seat! 251 00:17:07,385 --> 00:17:11,082 - Kids are in coach, we're first class. - Seats Four A and B. 252 00:17:11,289 --> 00:17:13,757 Four A and B. I'll take your coats. 253 00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,389 - Fasten your seat belts. - Champagne, please. 254 00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:19,756 - It's free, isn't it? - Oh, yes. 255 00:17:20,798 --> 00:17:21,765 We made it. 256 00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:23,263 Do you believe it? 257 00:17:24,268 --> 00:17:25,758 Hope we didn't forget anything. 258 00:18:46,684 --> 00:18:47,742 Mom? 259 00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:58,692 - That's real. It's real crystal. - Yeah, so? 260 00:18:58,896 --> 00:19:01,763 - Put them in your purse. - Frank, I can't do that. 261 00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:04,696 Just... Put them in your purse! 262 00:19:05,069 --> 00:19:07,503 Yeah. Fill it up. Fill it up. 263 00:19:07,705 --> 00:19:09,002 Fill it up, please. 264 00:19:10,141 --> 00:19:11,165 Thank you. 265 00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:14,811 Don't you feel like a heel, flying first class with the kids in coach? 266 00:19:15,012 --> 00:19:16,445 No. The kids are fine. 267 00:19:16,647 --> 00:19:20,947 The only time I ever flew as a kid was in the station wagon, not to France. 268 00:19:21,219 --> 00:19:24,052 We had to go to Aunt Laura and Uncle Arthur's. 269 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:27,523 Kids are okay. They're having the time of their lives. 270 00:19:28,593 --> 00:19:30,185 Hello? 271 00:19:31,762 --> 00:19:33,093 Mom? 272 00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:36,933 Dad? 273 00:19:45,776 --> 00:19:47,710 Where are you guys? 274 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,011 Buzz? 275 00:20:03,194 --> 00:20:04,422 Megan? 276 00:20:04,896 --> 00:20:06,261 Hello? 277 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,497 Rod? 278 00:20:10,701 --> 00:20:12,100 Uncle Frank? 279 00:20:12,303 --> 00:20:14,863 Uncle Frank, is this a joke? 280 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,704 Megan? Linnie? 281 00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:24,071 Is this a joke? 282 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,639 It's only my imagination. 283 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,705 Only my imagination. 284 00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:12,291 The cars are still here. They didn't go to the airport! 285 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:33,684 I made my family disappear. 286 00:21:35,019 --> 00:21:36,953 You're completely helpless. 287 00:21:37,154 --> 00:21:38,143 You know, Kevin... 288 00:21:38,356 --> 00:21:41,951 ... you're what the French call les incompetents. 289 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,161 Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula. 290 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:48,230 Kevin, you are such a disease. 291 00:21:48,432 --> 00:21:53,369 There are 15 people, and you're the only one who has to make trouble. 292 00:21:53,638 --> 00:21:57,130 Look what you did, you little jerk! 293 00:22:00,745 --> 00:22:04,272 I made my family disappear. 294 00:22:18,396 --> 00:22:20,091 I'm free! 295 00:22:32,243 --> 00:22:33,369 Wow! 296 00:22:40,384 --> 00:22:43,444 No clothes on anybody. Sickening! 297 00:22:44,588 --> 00:22:46,522 Cool! Firecrackers! 298 00:22:46,724 --> 00:22:48,191 I'll save these for later. 299 00:22:48,659 --> 00:22:51,355 Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff. 300 00:22:51,562 --> 00:22:54,156 You better come out and pound me! 301 00:22:58,169 --> 00:23:01,161 Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof! 302 00:23:50,154 --> 00:23:51,519 Who is it? 303 00:23:55,126 --> 00:23:56,559 It's me. Snakes. 304 00:23:56,761 --> 00:23:58,058 I got the stuff. 305 00:23:58,262 --> 00:24:01,129 Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here. 306 00:24:01,332 --> 00:24:04,529 All right, Johnny, but what about my money? 307 00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:05,724 What money? 308 00:24:05,936 --> 00:24:08,166 A.C. Said you had some dough for me. 309 00:24:08,372 --> 00:24:11,273 Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? 310 00:24:11,509 --> 00:24:13,443 A.C. Said ten percent. 311 00:24:14,578 --> 00:24:17,012 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more. 312 00:24:17,782 --> 00:24:20,182 Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! 313 00:24:20,384 --> 00:24:22,750 You better come out and stop me! 314 00:24:23,254 --> 00:24:25,279 He'll call you when he gets out. 315 00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:30,453 I'll tell you what I'm gonna give you. 316 00:24:32,096 --> 00:24:34,360 I'm gonna give you to the count of ten... 317 00:24:35,065 --> 00:24:37,397 ... to get your ugly, yellow... 318 00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,796 ... no-good keister off my property... 319 00:24:40,004 --> 00:24:41,972 ... before I pump your guts full of lead. 320 00:24:42,173 --> 00:24:43,606 All right, I'm sorry. 321 00:24:44,008 --> 00:24:44,838 I'm going. 322 00:24:45,042 --> 00:24:47,306 One, two... ten. 323 00:25:02,660 --> 00:25:04,992 Keep the change, you filthy animal. 324 00:25:06,797 --> 00:25:08,059 Mom! 325 00:25:19,376 --> 00:25:20,775 What's the matter? 326 00:25:22,246 --> 00:25:23,338 Honey? 327 00:25:24,715 --> 00:25:27,183 I have a terrible feeling. 328 00:25:27,384 --> 00:25:28,316 About what? 329 00:25:29,854 --> 00:25:31,515 That we didn't do something. 330 00:25:32,456 --> 00:25:34,924 You feel that way because we left in a hurry. 331 00:25:35,125 --> 00:25:36,854 We took care of everything. 332 00:25:37,061 --> 00:25:38,358 Did I turn off the coffee? 333 00:25:38,762 --> 00:25:39,922 No. 334 00:25:40,297 --> 00:25:41,229 I did. 335 00:25:41,432 --> 00:25:42,899 Did you lock up? 336 00:25:44,301 --> 00:25:45,427 Yeah. 337 00:25:46,837 --> 00:25:48,202 Did you close the garage? 338 00:25:50,207 --> 00:25:51,299 That's it. 339 00:25:51,509 --> 00:25:53,909 I forgot to close the garage. That's it. 340 00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:01,480 No, that's not it. 341 00:26:03,521 --> 00:26:05,352 What else could we be forgetting? 342 00:26:09,293 --> 00:26:10,225 Kevin! 343 00:26:53,904 --> 00:26:57,101 The captain's doing all he can. Your phones are out of order. 344 00:26:57,308 --> 00:26:59,833 We'll call when we land. I'm sure it's okay. 345 00:27:01,612 --> 00:27:03,603 Horrible. Horrible. 346 00:27:04,081 --> 00:27:05,343 Just horrible. 347 00:27:05,749 --> 00:27:08,309 How could we do this? We forgot him. 348 00:27:08,519 --> 00:27:10,919 We didn't forget him, we just miscounted. 349 00:27:11,855 --> 00:27:14,346 What kind of mother am I? 350 00:27:14,558 --> 00:27:18,119 If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses. 351 00:27:22,766 --> 00:27:25,633 Five families gone on one block alone. 352 00:27:25,836 --> 00:27:28,771 They all told me from their own mouths. 353 00:27:28,973 --> 00:27:30,497 It's almost too easy. 354 00:27:31,041 --> 00:27:32,133 Check it out: 355 00:27:32,343 --> 00:27:34,402 All the houses with nobody home... 356 00:27:34,612 --> 00:27:37,445 ...have automatic timers on their lights. 357 00:27:37,815 --> 00:27:41,046 But I got it all figured out. Watch this. 358 00:27:42,319 --> 00:27:47,256 Number 664 will be going on right about... 359 00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:49,820 ...now. 360 00:27:50,861 --> 00:27:52,795 Wait, wait, wait. 361 00:27:53,897 --> 00:27:56,923 Number 682... 362 00:27:57,701 --> 00:28:00,226 ...right now. 363 00:28:02,539 --> 00:28:03,733 Wait a minute. 364 00:28:03,941 --> 00:28:06,774 681... 365 00:28:07,244 --> 00:28:08,074 ...now. 366 00:28:10,614 --> 00:28:14,106 And that's the one, Marvin. That's the silver tuna. 367 00:28:14,585 --> 00:28:15,813 It's very G. 368 00:28:16,453 --> 00:28:18,887 Very G, huh? It's loaded. 369 00:28:19,089 --> 00:28:21,353 It's got lots of top-flight goods. 370 00:28:21,558 --> 00:28:24,891 - Stereos, VCRs... - Toys? 371 00:28:25,095 --> 00:28:27,689 Probably looking at some very fine jewelry. 372 00:28:28,098 --> 00:28:29,497 Possible cash horde. 373 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,760 Odd marketable securities. 374 00:28:33,303 --> 00:28:35,669 Who knows? It's a gem. 375 00:28:36,473 --> 00:28:38,441 Grab your crowbar. 376 00:28:39,410 --> 00:28:41,105 Crowbars up. 377 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,917 You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch 378 00:28:48,285 --> 00:28:51,982 You're the king Of sinful sots 379 00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:54,684 Your heart's a dead tomato 380 00:28:54,892 --> 00:28:59,454 Blotched with moldy purple spots, Mr. Grinch 381 00:29:40,437 --> 00:29:41,426 Which way? 382 00:29:42,072 --> 00:29:44,438 We'll go around back, down the basement. 383 00:30:05,329 --> 00:30:08,059 - You said they were gone. - They were gonna leave today. 384 00:30:08,265 --> 00:30:09,926 Let's get out of here. 385 00:30:46,403 --> 00:30:48,701 We have to use the phone, please. 386 00:30:49,506 --> 00:30:52,270 It's an emergency. We really have to make a call. 387 00:30:52,476 --> 00:30:54,944 Please! Our brother's home alone. 388 00:30:55,579 --> 00:30:57,479 Give us the phone! 389 00:30:57,781 --> 00:30:58,975 I'm sorry. Thank you. 390 00:30:59,183 --> 00:31:01,845 I'm calling the police. Book us a flight home. 391 00:31:02,052 --> 00:31:04,953 Get change out of here. Call everybody you know. 392 00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:09,285 Here's my address book. You and Frank call everyone on our street. 393 00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:11,324 Maybe somebody can help us. 394 00:31:11,528 --> 00:31:14,861 Hello? Hello? Oh, she'll have to call you back. 395 00:31:21,305 --> 00:31:22,636 This is ridiculous. 396 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,172 Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. 397 00:31:25,375 --> 00:31:29,334 And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house. 398 00:31:36,687 --> 00:31:40,020 Hey, I'm not afraid anymore! 399 00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:44,619 I said, I'm not afraid anymore! 400 00:31:45,128 --> 00:31:48,962 Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore. 401 00:32:19,630 --> 00:32:20,892 Village police department. 402 00:32:21,098 --> 00:32:24,534 I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. 403 00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:29,672 I'd like somebody to go there. Tell him that we're coming home to get him. 404 00:32:29,873 --> 00:32:33,434 Okay, let me connect you with Family Crisis Intervention. 405 00:32:33,644 --> 00:32:35,111 Hold on. 406 00:32:36,980 --> 00:32:40,381 Larry, can you pick up? There's some hyper lady on hold. 407 00:32:40,584 --> 00:32:43,052 - What line, Rose? - Two. 408 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,086 Family Crisis Intervention, Sergeant Balzac. 409 00:32:46,290 --> 00:32:49,191 I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone. 410 00:32:49,393 --> 00:32:54,057 Has the child been involved in violence with a drunk family member? 411 00:32:54,264 --> 00:32:55,253 No! 412 00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:58,124 Has he been involved in a household accident? 413 00:32:58,335 --> 00:33:00,462 I don't know. I hope not. 414 00:33:01,805 --> 00:33:05,866 Has the child ingested any poison or is an object lodged in his throat? 415 00:33:06,076 --> 00:33:09,568 No, he's home alone! I'd like somebody to go over to the house... 416 00:33:09,780 --> 00:33:11,475 ...and see if he's all right. 417 00:33:12,649 --> 00:33:16,244 You want us to go to your house, just to check on him. 418 00:33:16,453 --> 00:33:17,579 Yes! 419 00:33:18,388 --> 00:33:19,787 Let me connect you to the police. 420 00:33:19,990 --> 00:33:21,389 They just transferred me. 421 00:33:21,591 --> 00:33:22,558 - Rose! - Yeah. 422 00:33:22,759 --> 00:33:23,783 - Hyper. - Hang on. 423 00:33:23,994 --> 00:33:27,589 - Hold on, please. - No, please don't hang up. Please! 424 00:33:28,365 --> 00:33:29,696 Any luck? 425 00:33:31,435 --> 00:33:34,097 - I couldn't get anybody. - Leslie? 426 00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:36,602 Nothing but a bunch of answering machines. 427 00:33:38,775 --> 00:33:41,744 Somebody pick up. Pick up! 428 00:33:41,945 --> 00:33:43,936 Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again. 429 00:33:44,147 --> 00:33:48,106 Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and I... 430 00:33:48,318 --> 00:33:52,049 We'll send a policeman over to your house to check on your son. 431 00:34:22,386 --> 00:34:24,980 There's nobody home. The house looks secure. 432 00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:27,281 Tell them to count their kids again. 433 00:34:28,425 --> 00:34:30,893 You can't bump somebody or ask or...? 434 00:34:31,094 --> 00:34:32,925 There's no way I can do that. 435 00:34:33,130 --> 00:34:35,257 Isn't there a way if you ask somebody? 436 00:34:35,465 --> 00:34:36,932 If you said it's an emergency... 437 00:34:37,134 --> 00:34:38,499 I cannot ask them. 438 00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:40,897 She's sending a policeman over to the house. 439 00:34:41,104 --> 00:34:44,005 Well, that's a relief. Everything here is booked. 440 00:34:44,207 --> 00:34:45,333 Nothing to Chicago? 441 00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,739 There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. 442 00:34:50,147 --> 00:34:53,241 - What about a private plane? - Sorry. We don't do that. 443 00:34:53,450 --> 00:34:56,385 The only thing is a booking for us on Friday morning. 444 00:34:56,586 --> 00:34:59,077 Friday morn... That's two days away. 445 00:34:59,289 --> 00:35:01,257 The kids are exhausted and so are you. 446 00:35:01,458 --> 00:35:03,392 There's nothing we can do here. 447 00:35:03,593 --> 00:35:08,223 I say we go over to Rob's, and that way we can call the police again. 448 00:35:08,432 --> 00:35:11,663 I'm not leaving here unless it's on an airplane. 449 00:35:11,868 --> 00:35:13,961 Madame, we are doing everything we can. 450 00:35:14,171 --> 00:35:18,164 If you want to stay at the airport, maybe we can get you on standby. 451 00:35:18,375 --> 00:35:21,310 It is a possibility that a seat will open up. 452 00:35:22,045 --> 00:35:24,912 - Is that okay? - Yes. I'll wait. 453 00:35:31,488 --> 00:35:32,819 I'll miss you, honey. 454 00:35:36,827 --> 00:35:38,556 Don't you get lost. 455 00:35:40,163 --> 00:35:41,289 Goodbye. 456 00:35:57,180 --> 00:36:00,377 I took a shower, washing every body part with actual soap. 457 00:36:00,584 --> 00:36:02,347 Including all my major crevices... 458 00:36:02,552 --> 00:36:04,986 ...between my toes and in my belly button... 459 00:36:05,188 --> 00:36:07,554 ...which I never did before but enjoyed. 460 00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:13,062 I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used creme rinse. 461 00:36:14,231 --> 00:36:17,496 I can't find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up today. 462 00:36:17,701 --> 00:36:19,794 Other than that, I'm in good shape. 463 00:37:10,420 --> 00:37:13,617 All right! Buzz's life savings. 464 00:37:40,450 --> 00:37:43,112 I thought the Murphys went to Florida. 465 00:37:59,536 --> 00:38:02,505 You're one of the great cat burglars of the world. 466 00:38:02,706 --> 00:38:05,368 You think you can keep it down a little in there? 467 00:38:06,009 --> 00:38:09,775 You've reached the Murphy's. Please leave a message after the beep. 468 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:14,582 This is Peter McCallister again. We're in Paris at my brother's. 469 00:38:14,784 --> 00:38:18,242 Let me give you the number here. The country code is 33. 470 00:38:18,455 --> 00:38:23,392 The area code is 1-4 and the number is 694-876... 471 00:38:23,793 --> 00:38:25,693 - Hey, Harry. - Yeah? 472 00:38:25,895 --> 00:38:29,296 That house we ran last night, was that the McCallister's? 473 00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:34,033 - Call me in Paris. - You're right. They're gone. 474 00:38:37,407 --> 00:38:41,002 - I knew they were. - Silver tuna tonight. 475 00:38:42,879 --> 00:38:44,176 Wow! 476 00:38:50,153 --> 00:38:51,484 How may I help you? 477 00:38:52,088 --> 00:38:55,455 Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association? 478 00:38:56,192 --> 00:38:57,784 Well, I don't know. 479 00:38:58,862 --> 00:39:00,557 It doesn't say, hon. 480 00:39:00,830 --> 00:39:02,229 Can you please find out? 481 00:39:05,368 --> 00:39:07,097 - Herb. - Yeah? 482 00:39:07,304 --> 00:39:10,569 I got a question here about a toothbrush. 483 00:39:17,113 --> 00:39:21,812 Do you know, is this brush approved by the American Dental Association? 484 00:39:22,018 --> 00:39:22,985 I don't know. 485 00:39:45,508 --> 00:39:47,908 Oh, hon, you pay for that here. 486 00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:51,878 Wait, you have to pay for that. 487 00:39:52,649 --> 00:39:54,947 Son! Son! 488 00:39:56,186 --> 00:39:58,620 Jimmy, stop that boy! 489 00:40:03,026 --> 00:40:04,220 Hey! 490 00:40:08,565 --> 00:40:10,032 Shoplifter! 491 00:40:13,870 --> 00:40:15,132 Hey! Hey, kid! 492 00:40:22,145 --> 00:40:23,510 Come back here! 493 00:40:24,948 --> 00:40:26,677 Stop it, will you? 494 00:40:27,183 --> 00:40:28,343 Come here. 495 00:41:06,489 --> 00:41:08,320 I'm a criminal. 496 00:41:35,685 --> 00:41:36,583 What's so funny? 497 00:41:38,221 --> 00:41:39,483 What's so funny? 498 00:41:40,023 --> 00:41:41,081 Why are you laughing? 499 00:41:44,427 --> 00:41:45,655 You did it again. 500 00:41:47,030 --> 00:41:48,463 You left the water running. 501 00:41:49,432 --> 00:41:51,866 Why do you do that? I told you not to do it. 502 00:41:52,068 --> 00:41:54,434 - It's our calling card. - Calling card. 503 00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:56,798 All the great ones leave their mark. 504 00:41:57,006 --> 00:41:58,598 We're the wet bandits. 505 00:41:59,008 --> 00:42:01,568 You're sick, you know? You're really sick. 506 00:42:02,378 --> 00:42:04,175 - I'm not sick. - Yes, you are. 507 00:42:04,380 --> 00:42:05,608 It's a sick thing to do. 508 00:42:12,455 --> 00:42:14,286 - We don't need that. - Don't tell me... 509 00:42:14,491 --> 00:42:16,356 I can do it if I want to. 510 00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:20,759 It's not sick. Hey, watch out! 511 00:42:29,005 --> 00:42:30,438 Hey! Hey! 512 00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,540 You've gotta watch for traffic. 513 00:42:32,909 --> 00:42:34,843 - Sorry. - Damn. 514 00:42:35,044 --> 00:42:37,444 Santy don't visit the funeral homes, buddy. 515 00:42:38,448 --> 00:42:39,710 Okay, okay. 516 00:42:40,583 --> 00:42:42,676 Merry Christmas. 517 00:42:52,795 --> 00:42:54,194 What's the matter? 518 00:42:54,564 --> 00:42:56,896 I don't like the way that kid looked at me. 519 00:42:57,100 --> 00:43:00,536 - Ever seen him before? - I saw a hundred kids this week. 520 00:43:01,538 --> 00:43:03,335 Let's see what house he goes into. 521 00:43:35,905 --> 00:43:37,236 Why's he going faster? 522 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,533 I told you something's wrong. 523 00:43:39,742 --> 00:43:41,733 He looked at me weird. Why would he run? 524 00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,643 Maybe he went in the church. 525 00:44:19,916 --> 00:44:22,646 - I'm not going in there. - Me neither. 526 00:44:22,952 --> 00:44:24,078 Let's get out of here. 527 00:44:42,905 --> 00:44:46,238 When those guys come back, I'll be ready. 528 00:45:11,367 --> 00:45:12,425 Did they come back? 529 00:45:12,935 --> 00:45:14,732 From Paris? 530 00:45:50,373 --> 00:45:52,705 We'll come back tomorrow. Maybe they'll be gone. 531 00:45:53,509 --> 00:45:56,034 We better go before somebody sees us. 532 00:46:27,677 --> 00:46:29,645 Look what I found in the kitchen. 533 00:46:29,846 --> 00:46:31,939 Frank, those are for later. 534 00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,119 Do you want a little shrimp, huh? 535 00:46:40,289 --> 00:46:41,984 Do you speak English? 536 00:46:45,528 --> 00:46:46,859 Well, is there... 537 00:46:52,668 --> 00:46:55,865 - Did you get anybody? - I am looking for my son! 538 00:46:56,072 --> 00:46:57,767 No, I can't find anybody. 539 00:46:57,974 --> 00:47:01,068 They're all shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays. 540 00:47:01,277 --> 00:47:02,869 Never mind, forget it. 541 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,508 - This is so pointless. - What? 542 00:47:07,016 --> 00:47:09,143 We're here rotting in this apartment. 543 00:47:09,352 --> 00:47:11,547 Kevin's at home. Mom's at the airport. 544 00:47:11,821 --> 00:47:14,517 - So? - You're not worried about Kevin? 545 00:47:14,724 --> 00:47:19,593 Why should I be? He acted like a jerk and now he caught it in the butt. 546 00:47:20,830 --> 00:47:22,593 He's so little and helpless. 547 00:47:22,799 --> 00:47:24,232 Don't you think he's freaked? 548 00:47:24,433 --> 00:47:27,493 The trout can use a couple of days in the real world. 549 00:47:27,703 --> 00:47:29,967 You're not worried something might happen? 550 00:47:30,807 --> 00:47:32,741 No. For three reasons: 551 00:47:32,942 --> 00:47:37,641 A. I'm not that lucky. Two: We have smoke detectors... 552 00:47:37,847 --> 00:47:41,749 ...and D: We live in the most boring street in the United States... 553 00:47:41,951 --> 00:47:46,251 ...where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period. 554 00:48:13,449 --> 00:48:14,347 Who is it? 555 00:48:14,550 --> 00:48:16,780 It's Little Nero's. I have your pizza. 556 00:48:17,386 --> 00:48:20,048 Leave it on the doorstep and get out of here. 557 00:48:20,990 --> 00:48:22,457 Okay. 558 00:48:23,893 --> 00:48:25,224 What about the money? 559 00:48:26,629 --> 00:48:28,062 What money? 560 00:48:29,031 --> 00:48:31,556 Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir. 561 00:48:32,535 --> 00:48:35,902 Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? 562 00:48:37,406 --> 00:48:39,237 That'll be $11.80, sir. 563 00:48:46,682 --> 00:48:49,310 Keep the change, you filthy animal. 564 00:48:51,220 --> 00:48:52,949 - Cheapskate. - Hey. 565 00:48:53,155 --> 00:48:55,487 I'm gonna give you to the count of ten... 566 00:48:55,691 --> 00:48:58,057 ... to get your ugly, yellow... 567 00:48:58,261 --> 00:49:00,388 ... no-good keister off my property... 568 00:49:00,596 --> 00:49:02,689 ... before I pump you full of lead. 569 00:49:02,899 --> 00:49:05,595 One, two... ten. 570 00:49:33,729 --> 00:49:36,892 A lovely cheese pizza, just for me. 571 00:49:40,269 --> 00:49:41,827 - To Dallas/Forth Worth. 572 00:49:42,038 --> 00:49:43,869 American Airlines... 573 00:49:45,641 --> 00:49:48,132 So we have the $500, the pocket translator... 574 00:49:48,344 --> 00:49:50,710 ...the two first-class seats, that's an upgrade... 575 00:49:50,913 --> 00:49:52,107 Is that a real Rolex? 576 00:49:53,816 --> 00:49:56,148 - Do you think it is? - No. 577 00:49:56,352 --> 00:49:59,549 But who can tell? I also have a ring. 578 00:49:59,755 --> 00:50:01,655 Oh, that is beautiful! 579 00:50:01,857 --> 00:50:03,154 They're boarding. 580 00:50:03,759 --> 00:50:07,024 She's offered us two first-class tickets if we go Friday. 581 00:50:07,229 --> 00:50:11,495 Plus a ring, a watch, a pocket translator, $500 and... 582 00:50:11,701 --> 00:50:12,998 The earrings. 583 00:50:13,269 --> 00:50:17,035 She's got her own earrings. A whole shoebox full of them. 584 00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:18,831 - Come on, come on. - No, but... 585 00:50:20,376 --> 00:50:21,308 I'm desperate. 586 00:50:22,411 --> 00:50:26,177 I'm begging you. From a mother to a mother. Please! 587 00:50:28,317 --> 00:50:30,911 - Oh, Ed. - Please! 588 00:50:31,921 --> 00:50:33,684 Oh, all right. 589 00:50:39,395 --> 00:50:41,920 "Dear Santa, I got a little sister last year. 590 00:50:42,131 --> 00:50:44,725 This year I'd rather have some Clay-Doh. " 591 00:50:58,614 --> 00:50:59,672 I didn't mean it. 592 00:50:59,882 --> 00:51:02,942 If you come back, I'll never be a pain in the butt again. 593 00:51:03,319 --> 00:51:06,516 I promise. Good night. 594 00:51:26,008 --> 00:51:29,171 I'm dreaming 595 00:51:29,378 --> 00:51:30,640 Of a white 596 00:51:31,747 --> 00:51:33,738 Christmas 597 00:51:33,949 --> 00:51:38,147 Just like the ones I used to know 598 00:51:40,356 --> 00:51:44,156 Where those treetops glisten 599 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:48,091 And children listen 600 00:51:48,297 --> 00:51:53,234 To hear sleigh bells In the snow 601 00:51:53,969 --> 00:51:55,596 The snow 602 00:52:47,756 --> 00:52:49,621 Are those microwave dinners good? 603 00:52:50,359 --> 00:52:53,055 - I don't know. - I'll give them a whirl. 604 00:52:58,601 --> 00:53:00,091 For the kids. 605 00:53:02,438 --> 00:53:04,599 Hold on, I got a coupon for that. 606 00:53:05,908 --> 00:53:07,808 It was in the paper this morning. 607 00:53:11,514 --> 00:53:12,446 $19.83. 608 00:53:13,082 --> 00:53:14,344 Okay. 609 00:53:18,454 --> 00:53:19,853 Are you here all by yourself? 610 00:53:21,257 --> 00:53:22,918 Ma'am, I'm 8 years old. 611 00:53:23,125 --> 00:53:27,391 You think I'd be here alone? I don't think so. 612 00:53:28,297 --> 00:53:29,195 Where's your mom? 613 00:53:29,398 --> 00:53:30,990 - In the car. - Where's your dad? 614 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:34,101 - He's at work. - What about brothers and sisters? 615 00:53:34,303 --> 00:53:35,668 I'm an only child. 616 00:53:36,172 --> 00:53:38,265 - Where do you live? - I can't tell you. 617 00:53:38,474 --> 00:53:41,375 - Why not? - Cause you're a stranger. 618 00:54:19,982 --> 00:54:23,213 Hello, Kevin! 619 00:54:26,689 --> 00:54:27,917 Shut up! 620 00:54:41,570 --> 00:54:42,832 I don't get it. 621 00:54:43,472 --> 00:54:45,599 It looks like there's nobody's home. 622 00:54:46,642 --> 00:54:48,701 Last night the place is jumping. 623 00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:51,072 Something ain't right. 624 00:54:52,081 --> 00:54:53,105 Go check it out. 625 00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:03,251 Now? 626 00:55:03,726 --> 00:55:07,253 No, tomorrow, egghead! Now! Go ahead. 627 00:55:09,565 --> 00:55:10,657 "Now." 628 00:55:28,017 --> 00:55:29,109 Shit! 629 00:55:32,388 --> 00:55:33,980 Get the hell out of here. 630 00:55:34,189 --> 00:55:37,352 All right, Johnny. But what about my money? 631 00:55:37,559 --> 00:55:38,583 What money? 632 00:55:38,794 --> 00:55:41,024 A.C. Said you had some dough for me. 633 00:55:41,230 --> 00:55:44,131 Is that a fact? How much do I owe you? 634 00:55:44,333 --> 00:55:46,130 A.C. Said ten percent. 635 00:55:47,369 --> 00:55:49,860 Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more. 636 00:55:50,072 --> 00:55:51,232 What do you mean? 637 00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,965 He's upstairs, taking a bath. 638 00:55:54,843 --> 00:55:56,936 He'll call you when he gets out. 639 00:55:58,447 --> 00:56:02,645 Hey, I tell you what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. 640 00:56:03,352 --> 00:56:06,583 - Snakes? - I'll give you to the count of ten... 641 00:56:06,789 --> 00:56:08,984 ... to get your ugly, yellow, no-good... 642 00:56:09,191 --> 00:56:11,159 ... keister off my property... 643 00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,419 ... before I pump you full of lead. 644 00:56:13,629 --> 00:56:16,291 All right, Johnny. I'm sorry. I'm going. 645 00:56:16,498 --> 00:56:19,365 One, two... ten. 646 00:56:38,620 --> 00:56:41,612 Keep the change, you filthy animal. 647 00:56:46,395 --> 00:56:47,225 What happened? 648 00:56:47,429 --> 00:56:50,159 I don't know who, but somebody just got blown away. 649 00:56:50,366 --> 00:56:52,698 Somebody beat us, they're in there. 650 00:56:52,901 --> 00:56:54,027 Two of them. 651 00:56:54,236 --> 00:56:56,864 There was arguing. One blew the other one away. 652 00:56:57,072 --> 00:56:58,664 - Who? - I don't know. 653 00:56:59,575 --> 00:57:04,512 I recognized one of their voices. I heard that name "Snakes" before. 654 00:57:04,713 --> 00:57:08,444 Snakes? Snakes. Snakes. I don't know no Snakes. 655 00:57:08,650 --> 00:57:11,983 Snakes. Let's get out of here. 656 00:57:14,256 --> 00:57:15,518 Hold it. Hold it. 657 00:57:15,724 --> 00:57:19,057 Let's wait and see who it is. We work this neighborhood too. 658 00:57:19,928 --> 00:57:21,919 Suppose the cops finger us for a job... 659 00:57:22,131 --> 00:57:25,100 ...and they ask us about a murder in the area. 660 00:57:25,300 --> 00:57:28,269 Wouldn't it be nice to have a face to go with it? 661 00:57:30,906 --> 00:57:32,100 That's a good idea. 662 00:57:32,641 --> 00:57:35,667 Of course it's a good idea. Snakes? 663 00:57:35,878 --> 00:57:38,039 He sounded like a snake. 664 00:57:44,686 --> 00:57:45,846 Everything's full. 665 00:57:46,054 --> 00:57:47,521 Everything's full? 666 00:57:47,723 --> 00:57:50,590 I'm very sorry, but it is Christmas Eve. 667 00:57:51,360 --> 00:57:53,089 What about another airline? 668 00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,633 Nothing available. May I help you get a hotel room? 669 00:58:00,836 --> 00:58:02,804 Tomorrow we can get you a flight. 670 00:58:03,005 --> 00:58:04,734 I can't wait that long. 671 00:58:04,940 --> 00:58:08,933 I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're doing absolutely everything we can. 672 00:58:13,081 --> 00:58:16,107 I'm in your way. I'm sorry. You've places to go. 673 00:58:16,318 --> 00:58:18,752 Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me. 674 00:58:18,954 --> 00:58:22,321 Look, I have been awake for almost 60 hours. 675 00:58:22,524 --> 00:58:24,014 I'm tired and I'm dirty. 676 00:58:24,226 --> 00:58:28,322 I have been from Chicago to Paris, to Dallas, to... Where am I? 677 00:58:28,831 --> 00:58:30,196 Scranton. 678 00:58:30,699 --> 00:58:33,224 I'm trying to get home to my 8-year-old son. 679 00:58:34,169 --> 00:58:36,535 Now you're telling me it's hopeless? 680 00:58:36,738 --> 00:58:39,263 - I'm sorry. - No. No way. 681 00:58:39,475 --> 00:58:40,567 This is Christmas! 682 00:58:40,776 --> 00:58:43,244 The season of perpetual hope. 683 00:58:43,445 --> 00:58:46,346 If I have to get on your runway and hitchhike... 684 00:58:46,548 --> 00:58:48,539 ...if it costs me everything I own... 685 00:58:48,750 --> 00:58:51,651 ...if I have to sell my soul to the Devil himself... 686 00:58:51,854 --> 00:58:54,652 ...I am going to get home to my son. 687 00:58:55,958 --> 00:58:57,926 Ma'am, if there was anything... 688 00:58:58,126 --> 00:58:59,650 Do it. Do anything. 689 00:58:59,862 --> 00:59:01,853 - I can get you a hotel room. - What? 690 00:59:02,064 --> 00:59:06,125 Can you excuse us for a sec? Can I see you for a second, please? 691 00:59:06,335 --> 00:59:08,235 Excuse us. 692 00:59:10,305 --> 00:59:12,705 You got a little bit of a dilemma. 693 00:59:12,908 --> 00:59:15,342 We got a crisis ourselves. 694 00:59:15,878 --> 00:59:18,142 Allow me to introduce myself. Gus Polinski. 695 00:59:20,616 --> 00:59:22,811 Polka King of the Midwest? 696 00:59:26,021 --> 00:59:28,285 The Kenosha Kickers? 697 00:59:28,857 --> 00:59:30,188 - Hi there. - Hiya. 698 00:59:31,026 --> 00:59:34,462 That's okay. I thought you might have recognized... 699 00:59:34,663 --> 00:59:38,326 I had a few hits a few years ago. That's why I just... 700 00:59:38,534 --> 00:59:43,130 "Polka, Polka, Polka"? Polka, polka, polka 701 00:59:43,338 --> 00:59:44,362 "Twin Lakes Polka"? 702 00:59:44,573 --> 00:59:49,408 "Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a. "Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"? 703 00:59:49,611 --> 00:59:51,078 These are songs? 704 00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:54,181 Yeah. Yeah, we... Some fairly big hits for us. 705 00:59:54,383 --> 00:59:56,214 You know, in the early '80s. 706 00:59:56,418 --> 00:59:59,251 Yeah, we sold about 623 copies of that. 707 00:59:59,454 --> 01:00:01,012 - In Chicago? - No, Sheboygan. 708 01:00:01,223 --> 01:00:02,850 Very big in Sheboygan. 709 01:00:03,058 --> 01:00:04,582 Did you say you could help? 710 01:00:04,793 --> 01:00:08,524 Anyway, I'm rambling on here. Our flight was canceled... 711 01:00:08,730 --> 01:00:13,133 ...so we're gonna drive. See the guy in the yellow jacket over there? 712 01:00:13,335 --> 01:00:16,771 He's gonna rent us a nice big van to drive to Milwaukee. 713 01:00:16,972 --> 01:00:20,271 Now, I heard you had some problems getting to Chicago? 714 01:00:20,676 --> 01:00:22,041 To see your kid or something? 715 01:00:22,244 --> 01:00:26,112 Uh, my son. He... We left, and he's there. 716 01:00:26,315 --> 01:00:29,944 If you have to get to Chicago, we'll gladly drive you. 717 01:00:30,152 --> 01:00:32,177 It's on the way to Milwaukee. 718 01:00:32,721 --> 01:00:35,121 - You'd give me a ride? - Sure, why not? 719 01:00:35,324 --> 01:00:36,848 You've got to get home. 720 01:00:37,059 --> 01:00:40,051 - A ride to Chicago? - Sure, it's Christmastime. 721 01:00:40,696 --> 01:00:42,254 Thank you. Oh, thank you. 722 01:00:42,464 --> 01:00:44,659 You don't mind going with polka bums? 723 01:00:44,866 --> 01:00:46,663 No, I'd love to. 724 01:01:09,124 --> 01:01:11,752 Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv! 725 01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:12,790 Look at this. 726 01:01:19,501 --> 01:01:23,232 I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner. 727 01:01:53,635 --> 01:01:55,865 Dad, can you come here and help me? 728 01:02:00,676 --> 01:02:02,940 Remember that kid we saw the other day? 729 01:02:03,945 --> 01:02:05,412 He lives here. 730 01:02:05,714 --> 01:02:08,205 If the kid's here, the parent's got to be. 731 01:02:08,817 --> 01:02:10,375 He's home alone. 732 01:02:18,427 --> 01:02:20,622 What? You want to come back tonight? 733 01:02:20,829 --> 01:02:22,319 Even with the kid here? 734 01:02:22,531 --> 01:02:24,556 I don't think that's a good idea. 735 01:02:24,766 --> 01:02:27,496 That house is the reason we worked this block. 736 01:02:27,703 --> 01:02:30,069 Ever since I saw that house, I wanted it. 737 01:02:30,272 --> 01:02:32,365 Let's take it one step at a time. 738 01:02:32,574 --> 01:02:37,204 We'll unload the van, get a bite to eat, we'll come back about 9:00. 739 01:02:37,412 --> 01:02:38,640 Nine o'clock. 740 01:02:38,847 --> 01:02:40,212 This way it's dark then. 741 01:02:40,415 --> 01:02:43,407 Yeah, kids are scared of the dark. 742 01:02:43,618 --> 01:02:46,348 You're afraid of the dark too. You know you are. 743 01:02:47,789 --> 01:02:49,188 No, I'm not. 744 01:02:49,391 --> 01:02:51,291 - Yes, you are. - Not, not, not. 745 01:02:51,493 --> 01:02:52,585 You are so. 746 01:02:52,794 --> 01:02:54,785 Mom, where are you? 747 01:03:09,544 --> 01:03:10,772 Do you play? 748 01:03:11,446 --> 01:03:14,779 Do you want to try? Go ahead, try it. Try it! 749 01:03:42,344 --> 01:03:44,710 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 750 01:03:46,248 --> 01:03:47,943 Hey, nice shoes. 751 01:03:48,316 --> 01:03:49,806 Oh, thanks. 752 01:03:50,018 --> 01:03:53,579 Is he still here? It's really important that I see him. 753 01:03:54,289 --> 01:03:57,747 He's getting in his car. If you hurry, you can catch him. 754 01:03:59,161 --> 01:04:03,359 How low! Giving Kriss Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve! 755 01:04:03,565 --> 01:04:06,193 What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny? 756 01:04:06,401 --> 01:04:07,891 Santa, hold on. 757 01:04:10,238 --> 01:04:12,229 - Can I talk to you for a minute? - Quickly. 758 01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:14,067 Santa's running late. 759 01:04:14,276 --> 01:04:16,744 I know you're not the real Santa Claus. 760 01:04:17,245 --> 01:04:20,737 Huh, what makes you say that? Just out of curiosity. 761 01:04:20,949 --> 01:04:24,385 - I'm old enough to know how it works. - All right. 762 01:04:24,586 --> 01:04:26,645 But I also know you work for him. 763 01:04:26,988 --> 01:04:29,786 - I'd like you to give him a message. - Shoot. 764 01:04:30,292 --> 01:04:34,991 Kevin McCallister, 681 Lincoln Blvd. Do you need the phone number? 765 01:04:35,363 --> 01:04:36,625 No, that's all right. 766 01:04:36,965 --> 01:04:38,728 This is extremely important. 767 01:04:38,934 --> 01:04:43,871 Please tell him instead of presents, I just want my family back. 768 01:04:44,539 --> 01:04:48,976 No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. 769 01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:51,202 And my aunt and my cousins. 770 01:04:51,413 --> 01:04:54,541 And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay? 771 01:04:56,251 --> 01:04:57,411 Okay. 772 01:04:58,353 --> 01:05:00,617 - I'll see what I can do. - Thanks. 773 01:05:00,822 --> 01:05:05,316 Wait. My elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend. 774 01:05:05,527 --> 01:05:07,427 - That's okay. - No, don't be silly. 775 01:05:07,629 --> 01:05:10,496 Everybody who sees Santa has got to get something. 776 01:05:10,699 --> 01:05:14,829 Here, hold out your little paw there. There you go. 777 01:05:15,303 --> 01:05:17,635 - Don't spoil your dinner. - I won't. 778 01:05:18,106 --> 01:05:19,471 Thanks. 779 01:05:30,719 --> 01:05:32,243 Son of a...! 780 01:08:29,631 --> 01:08:31,064 Merry Christmas. 781 01:08:33,535 --> 01:08:34,763 May I sit down? 782 01:08:46,147 --> 01:08:47,580 That's my granddaughter. 783 01:08:48,149 --> 01:08:49,810 The little red-haired girl. 784 01:08:52,020 --> 01:08:54,853 She's about your age. You know her? 785 01:08:55,056 --> 01:08:56,045 No. 786 01:08:56,257 --> 01:08:58,088 You live next to me, don't you? 787 01:08:59,527 --> 01:09:03,054 You can say hello when you see me. You don't have to be afraid. 788 01:09:04,132 --> 01:09:08,967 There's a lot of things going around about me, but none of it's true. Okay? 789 01:09:09,838 --> 01:09:12,033 - You've been good this year? - I think so. 790 01:09:12,540 --> 01:09:13,837 You swear to it? 791 01:09:14,442 --> 01:09:15,431 No. 792 01:09:15,643 --> 01:09:20,273 Yeah. Well, this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself. 793 01:09:20,648 --> 01:09:23,276 - It is? - I think so. 794 01:09:23,485 --> 01:09:26,079 - Are you feeling bad about yourself? - No. 795 01:09:30,525 --> 01:09:32,584 I've been kind of a pain lately. 796 01:09:33,061 --> 01:09:35,529 I said some things I shouldn't have. 797 01:09:35,730 --> 01:09:38,460 I really haven't been too good this year. 798 01:09:39,134 --> 01:09:40,066 Yeah. 799 01:09:40,268 --> 01:09:43,533 I'm kind of upset because I really like my family. 800 01:09:43,738 --> 01:09:48,641 Even though sometimes I say I don't. Sometimes I even think I don't. 801 01:09:48,977 --> 01:09:51,707 - Do you get that? - I think so. 802 01:09:51,946 --> 01:09:54,437 How you feel about family is a complicated thing. 803 01:09:55,283 --> 01:09:57,649 Especially with an older brother. 804 01:09:58,419 --> 01:10:00,717 Deep down, you'll always love him. 805 01:10:00,955 --> 01:10:05,289 But you can forget that you love him. You can hurt them, they can hurt you. 806 01:10:05,493 --> 01:10:07,484 That's not just because you're young. 807 01:10:09,631 --> 01:10:12,293 You want to know the real reason why I'm here? 808 01:10:12,500 --> 01:10:13,762 Sure. 809 01:10:14,169 --> 01:10:16,194 I came to hear my granddaughter sing. 810 01:10:16,538 --> 01:10:18,096 I can't come hear her tonight. 811 01:10:18,606 --> 01:10:19,630 You have plans? 812 01:10:20,108 --> 01:10:21,200 No. 813 01:10:22,143 --> 01:10:23,474 I'm not welcome. 814 01:10:24,245 --> 01:10:25,473 At church? 815 01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,773 You're always welcome at church. 816 01:10:28,016 --> 01:10:30,075 I'm not welcome with my son. 817 01:10:31,553 --> 01:10:35,284 Years back, before you and your family moved on the block... 818 01:10:36,057 --> 01:10:37,684 ...I had an argument with my son. 819 01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:39,618 How old is he? 820 01:10:39,861 --> 01:10:41,385 He's grown up. 821 01:10:42,830 --> 01:10:47,460 We lost our tempers, and I said I didn't care to see him anymore. 822 01:10:48,002 --> 01:10:52,302 He said the same, and we haven't spoken to each other since. 823 01:10:53,474 --> 01:10:55,738 If you miss him, why don't you call him? 824 01:10:56,311 --> 01:10:58,506 I'm afraid if I call, he won't talk to me. 825 01:10:58,713 --> 01:11:00,180 How do you know? 826 01:11:01,182 --> 01:11:02,649 I don't know. 827 01:11:02,884 --> 01:11:03,976 I'm just afraid. 828 01:11:04,652 --> 01:11:07,746 No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid? 829 01:11:09,057 --> 01:11:11,218 You can be old for a lot of things. 830 01:11:11,426 --> 01:11:14,224 - You're never too old to be afraid. - That's true. 831 01:11:14,429 --> 01:11:16,363 I was afraid of our basement. 832 01:11:16,564 --> 01:11:19,863 It's dark. There's weird stuff down there, and it smells funny. 833 01:11:20,068 --> 01:11:23,663 That sort of thing. It's bothered me for years. 834 01:11:23,905 --> 01:11:25,202 Basements are like that. 835 01:11:26,441 --> 01:11:28,875 I made myself go down to do some laundry... 836 01:11:29,077 --> 01:11:31,204 ...and I found out it's not so bad. 837 01:11:31,412 --> 01:11:36,042 I worried about it, but if you turn on the lights, it's no big deal. 838 01:11:36,451 --> 01:11:37,383 What's your point? 839 01:11:37,785 --> 01:11:40,583 My point is, you should call your son. 840 01:11:41,556 --> 01:11:44,320 - What if he won't talk to me? - At least you'll know. 841 01:11:44,525 --> 01:11:48,894 Then you could stop worrying about it. You won't have to be afraid anymore. 842 01:11:49,664 --> 01:11:54,601 No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to Dad. Especially around the holidays. 843 01:11:56,337 --> 01:11:57,929 I don't know. 844 01:11:58,139 --> 01:11:59,231 Just give it a shot. 845 01:11:59,440 --> 01:12:01,067 For your granddaughter anyway. 846 01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:04,541 I'm sure she misses you. And the presents. 847 01:12:05,079 --> 01:12:06,478 I send her a check. 848 01:12:07,181 --> 01:12:09,046 I wish my grandparents did that. 849 01:12:09,250 --> 01:12:10,740 They always send me clothes. 850 01:12:10,952 --> 01:12:13,921 Last year I got a sweater with a bird knitted on it. 851 01:12:14,122 --> 01:12:15,111 Oh, that's nice. 852 01:12:15,323 --> 01:12:17,450 Not for a guy in the second grade. 853 01:12:17,659 --> 01:12:20,321 You can get beat up for wearing something like that. 854 01:12:21,629 --> 01:12:23,688 I have a friend who got nailed... 855 01:12:23,898 --> 01:12:26,799 ...because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas. 856 01:12:27,902 --> 01:12:30,166 You better run home where you belong. 857 01:12:30,938 --> 01:12:32,166 Think about what I said. 858 01:12:32,573 --> 01:12:34,063 - All right? - Okay. 859 01:12:34,909 --> 01:12:36,001 It's nice talking to you. 860 01:12:37,045 --> 01:12:38,672 Nice talking to you. 861 01:12:45,086 --> 01:12:47,281 - What about you? - Me? 862 01:12:47,789 --> 01:12:49,347 Yeah. You and your son. 863 01:12:51,292 --> 01:12:53,157 We'll see what happens. 864 01:12:54,562 --> 01:12:55,824 Merry Christmas. 865 01:12:56,898 --> 01:12:58,832 Merry Christmas. 866 01:13:50,818 --> 01:13:54,413 This is my house. I have to defend it. 867 01:15:22,343 --> 01:15:25,403 We'll check it out. We can come back for the truck. 868 01:15:33,721 --> 01:15:34,983 How do you want to go in? 869 01:15:35,523 --> 01:15:38,492 We'll go to the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. 870 01:15:38,693 --> 01:15:42,026 Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid. 871 01:15:44,131 --> 01:15:48,090 Bless this nutritious, microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner... 872 01:15:48,302 --> 01:15:50,896 ...and the people who sold it on sale. 873 01:16:16,097 --> 01:16:18,861 This is it. Don't get scared now. 874 01:16:31,979 --> 01:16:34,641 Merry Christmas, little fella. 875 01:16:35,550 --> 01:16:40,317 We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone. 876 01:16:40,821 --> 01:16:43,051 Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. 877 01:16:44,058 --> 01:16:46,686 It's Santy Claus and his elf. 878 01:16:49,096 --> 01:16:50,757 We're not gonna hurt you. 879 01:16:50,965 --> 01:16:54,401 No, no. Got some nice presents for you. 880 01:16:54,769 --> 01:16:58,398 Be a good little fella now and open the door. 881 01:17:03,210 --> 01:17:04,336 What? 882 01:17:06,180 --> 01:17:08,171 What? What? 883 01:17:08,983 --> 01:17:09,915 What? 884 01:17:10,117 --> 01:17:12,381 - What happened? - Get that little... 885 01:17:24,131 --> 01:17:25,496 Hello. 886 01:17:31,238 --> 01:17:33,604 Yes! Yes! 887 01:17:33,808 --> 01:17:35,332 The little jerk is armed! 888 01:17:35,543 --> 01:17:39,775 That's it! I'm going in the front. You go down the basement! 889 01:20:12,533 --> 01:20:17,197 Oh, boy. That's it, you little... You little... 890 01:20:18,105 --> 01:20:20,266 No, not this time, you little brat. 891 01:20:23,711 --> 01:20:26,544 You little creep, where are you? 892 01:20:50,471 --> 01:20:51,870 Yes! 893 01:21:25,639 --> 01:21:27,266 - Rip his head off...! 894 01:21:37,418 --> 01:21:38,783 You're dead, kid. 895 01:22:26,166 --> 01:22:28,896 Where are you, you little creep?! 896 01:22:45,219 --> 01:22:47,915 Harry, I'm coming in! 897 01:22:52,526 --> 01:22:54,619 Oh, no! I'm really scared. 898 01:22:54,828 --> 01:22:58,696 It's too late for you, kid, we're in the house. We're gonna get you. 899 01:22:58,899 --> 01:23:00,992 Okay, come and get me! 900 01:23:01,335 --> 01:23:02,393 Why, you...! 901 01:23:09,043 --> 01:23:10,271 Now you're dead! 902 01:23:36,003 --> 01:23:38,563 I'm gonna kill that kid! 903 01:23:56,023 --> 01:23:57,854 Why'd you take your shoes off? 904 01:23:58,359 --> 01:24:00,088 Why are you dressed like a chicken? 905 01:24:02,029 --> 01:24:03,690 I'm up here, you morons. 906 01:24:03,931 --> 01:24:05,421 Come and get me. 907 01:24:08,869 --> 01:24:12,168 You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more? 908 01:24:21,982 --> 01:24:23,347 Heads up! 909 01:24:26,453 --> 01:24:28,944 Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you. 910 01:24:33,027 --> 01:24:34,085 Yes! 911 01:24:39,333 --> 01:24:41,597 He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him. 912 01:24:41,802 --> 01:24:44,862 Ah, shut up, will you? What is it? 913 01:24:45,072 --> 01:24:47,233 You're missing some teeth. 914 01:24:47,441 --> 01:24:49,568 Where? It's my gold tooth. 915 01:24:49,777 --> 01:24:52,803 My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him! 916 01:24:55,149 --> 01:24:57,344 You bomb me with one more can, kid... 917 01:24:57,551 --> 01:25:01,783 ...and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil! 918 01:25:05,125 --> 01:25:06,251 911 emergency. 919 01:25:06,460 --> 01:25:08,325 Hello, my house is being robbed. 920 01:25:08,529 --> 01:25:13,228 My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy. 921 01:25:16,737 --> 01:25:18,170 You never know what's up there. 922 01:25:19,306 --> 01:25:20,170 There he is! 923 01:25:25,813 --> 01:25:27,508 I got you! I got him, Harry. 924 01:25:29,316 --> 01:25:30,613 I got him. 925 01:25:31,785 --> 01:25:33,013 Harry, give me a hand! 926 01:25:36,390 --> 01:25:37,288 I got him! 927 01:25:38,525 --> 01:25:39,856 Harry, help me. Get up! 928 01:25:41,462 --> 01:25:42,690 I got him. 929 01:26:22,469 --> 01:26:23,561 What are you doing? 930 01:26:24,404 --> 01:26:27,134 Harry, don't move. 931 01:26:28,609 --> 01:26:30,975 Don't move. 932 01:26:31,445 --> 01:26:33,003 Marv, what are you doing? 933 01:26:37,718 --> 01:26:38,707 Did I get him? 934 01:26:39,887 --> 01:26:41,252 Did I get him?! 935 01:26:41,622 --> 01:26:43,715 Where is it? Where is it? 936 01:26:43,924 --> 01:26:47,553 Never mind that. Here! How do you like it, huh? You jerk! 937 01:26:47,761 --> 01:26:50,423 Get that kid, before I... Get that kid! 938 01:27:17,224 --> 01:27:18,521 Where'd he go? 939 01:27:19,293 --> 01:27:21,261 Maybe he committed suicide. 940 01:27:21,695 --> 01:27:26,564 Down here, you big horse's ass! Come get me before I call the police. 941 01:27:26,767 --> 01:27:28,735 - Let's get him! - Wait, wait. 942 01:27:28,936 --> 01:27:30,801 It's just what he wants us to do: 943 01:27:31,004 --> 01:27:34,132 Go back through his fun house so we get all tore up. 944 01:27:34,341 --> 01:27:35,831 He's gonna call the cops! 945 01:27:36,043 --> 01:27:37,772 From a tree house?! 946 01:27:37,978 --> 01:27:39,104 Come on. 947 01:27:40,347 --> 01:27:41,746 Out the window? 948 01:27:42,182 --> 01:27:43,581 I'm not going out the window. 949 01:27:43,784 --> 01:27:47,720 Why, you scared? Are you afraid? Come on, get out here. 950 01:27:52,559 --> 01:27:53,924 Come on. 951 01:27:59,967 --> 01:28:01,400 Come on! 952 01:28:07,307 --> 01:28:10,242 - Come on. Keep going. - Let's go back, Harry. 953 01:28:15,882 --> 01:28:16,974 Shut it, Marv. 954 01:28:20,587 --> 01:28:21,485 Hey, guys! 955 01:28:22,055 --> 01:28:23,352 Check this out. 956 01:28:24,458 --> 01:28:26,255 Go back. Go back. 957 01:29:14,741 --> 01:29:15,571 There he is! 958 01:29:16,209 --> 01:29:18,336 Hey, I'm calling the cops! 959 01:29:19,613 --> 01:29:22,081 Wait, wait! He wants us to follow him. 960 01:29:22,282 --> 01:29:24,216 I got a better idea. Come on. 961 01:29:42,235 --> 01:29:43,497 Hiya, pal. 962 01:29:43,937 --> 01:29:47,168 We outsmarted you this time. Get over here! 963 01:29:53,113 --> 01:29:54,546 What are you gonna do, Harry? 964 01:29:54,981 --> 01:29:57,006 I'll do exactly what he did to us. 965 01:29:57,217 --> 01:29:59,048 Burn his head with a blowtorch. 966 01:29:59,252 --> 01:30:01,277 I'll smash his face with an iron. 967 01:30:01,488 --> 01:30:04,321 I'd like to slap him in the face with a paint can! 968 01:30:04,524 --> 01:30:06,116 Shove a nail through his foot! 969 01:30:06,326 --> 01:30:11,263 I'm gonna bite off every one of these little fingers, one at a time. 970 01:30:20,574 --> 01:30:22,906 Come on. Let's get you home. 971 01:30:45,866 --> 01:30:48,596 Wow! This is great. 972 01:30:51,972 --> 01:30:54,304 Nice move, leaving the water running. 973 01:30:54,508 --> 01:30:58,274 Now we know each and every house that you've hit. 974 01:31:01,748 --> 01:31:04,546 We've been looking for you guys for a long time. 975 01:31:04,751 --> 01:31:07,618 Yeah. Well, remember, we're the "Wet Bandits." 976 01:31:07,821 --> 01:31:11,848 - Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T... - Shut up! Get in the car! 977 01:31:12,058 --> 01:31:13,787 Hey, come on. Come on. 978 01:31:14,494 --> 01:31:16,962 - Hand off the head, pal! - Come on. 979 01:32:12,552 --> 01:32:14,611 I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent. 980 01:32:14,821 --> 01:32:15,913 No, you're not. 981 01:32:16,122 --> 01:32:18,784 You're beating yourself up there. This happens. 982 01:32:18,992 --> 01:32:20,687 These things happen, you know. 983 01:32:20,894 --> 01:32:24,591 You want to talk about bad parents? Look at us. 984 01:32:24,798 --> 01:32:29,531 We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year. We hardly see our families. 985 01:32:30,237 --> 01:32:32,501 Joe, over there. Gosh, you know... 986 01:32:32,706 --> 01:32:35,539 ...he forgets his kids' names half the time. 987 01:32:35,742 --> 01:32:39,143 Ziggy over there, he's never even met his kid. 988 01:32:39,346 --> 01:32:43,214 Eddy... Let's just hope none of them write a book about him. 989 01:32:44,351 --> 01:32:47,878 Tell me, have you gone on vacation and left your child home? 990 01:32:51,291 --> 01:32:52,622 No. 991 01:32:53,393 --> 01:32:56,362 But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once. 992 01:32:57,063 --> 01:33:00,430 Yeah, it was terrible too. I was all distraught and everything. 993 01:33:00,634 --> 01:33:04,832 The wife and I, we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor. 994 01:33:05,038 --> 01:33:08,769 All day. You know, we went back at night, when we... 995 01:33:08,975 --> 01:33:11,205 ...came to our senses, there he was. 996 01:33:11,411 --> 01:33:14,539 Apparently, he was there all day with a corpse. 997 01:33:15,615 --> 01:33:18,914 Now, he was okay. You know, after six, seven weeks. 998 01:33:19,119 --> 01:33:21,610 He came around and started talking again. 999 01:33:22,956 --> 01:33:25,948 They get over it. Kids are resilient like that. 1000 01:33:26,159 --> 01:33:27,888 We shouldn't talk about this. 1001 01:33:28,094 --> 01:33:29,959 I was just trying to cheer you up. 1002 01:33:30,163 --> 01:33:32,290 I'm sorry I did. 1003 01:33:58,525 --> 01:33:59,651 Mom? 1004 01:34:04,864 --> 01:34:06,092 Mom? 1005 01:34:58,518 --> 01:34:59,815 Kevin! 1006 01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:35,878 Merry Christmas, sweetheart. 1007 01:35:45,198 --> 01:35:47,758 Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry. 1008 01:36:07,654 --> 01:36:09,451 Where's everybody else? 1009 01:36:10,190 --> 01:36:12,181 Oh, baby, they couldn't come. 1010 01:36:12,392 --> 01:36:13,654 They wanted to so much... 1011 01:36:13,860 --> 01:36:18,320 I didn't fall asleep in the back and drool all over you, did I? 1012 01:36:18,531 --> 01:36:20,829 - You do drool! - Shut up! 1013 01:36:23,703 --> 01:36:26,797 Kevin, my boy. How are you? 1014 01:36:27,540 --> 01:36:29,269 You're all right. 1015 01:36:29,709 --> 01:36:31,006 I love you. You okay? 1016 01:36:35,849 --> 01:36:38,477 It's cool that you didn't burn the place down. 1017 01:36:41,020 --> 01:36:42,578 Thanks, Buzz. 1018 01:36:44,190 --> 01:36:46,283 Wait a minute. How'd you guys get home? 1019 01:36:46,493 --> 01:36:49,018 On the morning flight you didn't want to wait for. 1020 01:36:49,229 --> 01:36:52,494 - Oh, no. Oh! Thank you. - Merry Christmas. 1021 01:36:52,699 --> 01:36:54,132 Merry Christmas. 1022 01:36:54,734 --> 01:36:56,827 Someone has to find an open store. 1023 01:36:57,036 --> 01:36:58,663 I went shopping yesterday. 1024 01:37:01,274 --> 01:37:02,866 You, shopping? 1025 01:37:03,076 --> 01:37:05,874 I got some milk, eggs and fabric softener. 1026 01:37:07,747 --> 01:37:09,647 - What? - No kidding? 1027 01:37:09,849 --> 01:37:11,578 What a funny guy. 1028 01:37:11,785 --> 01:37:13,980 What else did you do while we were away? 1029 01:37:15,021 --> 01:37:17,319 Just hung around. 1030 01:37:19,392 --> 01:37:20,882 Bring your stuff upstairs. 1031 01:37:21,094 --> 01:37:25,497 He went shopping? He doesn't know how to tie his shoe. He's going shopping? 1032 01:37:52,425 --> 01:37:53,983 Honey, what's this? 1033 01:38:52,352 --> 01:38:55,810 Kevin! What did you do to my room?